Thinking bout you

And praying for you.
I hope the words I spoke were enough
If they broke our friendship,
Im sure they did...
Well, I just hope the words I spoke where in your head today.
You will do what you do, after all you did admit you are
being selfish.

Dont take the pill, have faith.
God is in control and there is more to life then... this.

I wonder if my faith is enough.
You were on my prayers today.

Alone in a box

I was here all along and now find myself alone.

I have no one.

There is no one who can save me.
I am not okay.
I am frozen and alone.

No one. I am frozen and alone.

I cry inside, the cuts are deep.
Heart broken I am forsaken.

No one can hear me and if they do, they turn on me and cut me down.
They break right through my soul.

I am sensitive. with a hard shell.
It is see-through
and my heart is on my shoulder ready to be picked apart

I am not okay.
It gets lonely at the top.

I see my daughter's smile, I feel my husband's touch
They seem to love me more then I love myself.

I look to God and wonder, "is this ever going to end?"
When can I find trust in this blessing called a "friend"?

Why am alone in his world, no woman to confide?
No one seems to want to share their precious time.

"I am here, is no one here to lend an ear. I am desperate."

I curl up on the bathroom floor, tears flowing from my eyes.
This is your happy girl. Now its all a big disguise.
Cant you see the pain and hurt running from my eyes?
Oh wait, your not there, it was just all a bunch of lies.

I am not okay, okay is far away.
Alone in this box
My prison in my heart.

Loosing it??

My whole world seems to be collapsing around me, I feel like I dont have a firm grip on anything latley... except for my husband and daughter, THANK GOD!- I dont know what I would do without them.
I thought I formed a good connection with a coworker and suddenly, she started slipping away. I do not know where things went wrong but suddenly she became distant and shut out. I was worried about her because we use to talk about a lot of things to each other. Then all of a sudden, it seemed whenever I talked to her, it bothered her. She was short with me for a while and I tried to ignore it. But it started getting to me because I worked with her more hours during the week then I saw my family.

I asked her a few seperate occations if she was okay. Immedeatly, she would be defensive right away as if I was trying to engage in conflict. Why would I care if she was okay if I wanted to "start a fight"? lol

Anyway... things have progressivly gotten worse to the point where I just want to leave. I didnt go to work there to make friends. My family NEEDS me to work. Needless to say, I dont have any close friends there, Dan is sleeping while I work and I no longer have a best friend. So when something like these "tiffs" happen, I have no escape out of it. I have no one to talk to. I guess its better this way because if I was close enough to people there to talk about this with, alliances would start to form and mad drama would happen. So while, she goes off and starts going on a texting rampage... I sit quietly with a splitting migraine. Sure, I will be the martyr and take the heat. So what if no one there "likes" me, I am only there to help my family out. And at least I DO my job instead of mindlessly looking and gossiping on a phone.

I am in desperate need of Famale time! And in that female time, could I request the non-fake females who are actually independent, mature adults??? PLEASE???????????

Not the plan

I think I lost a friend today.
Not just a friend, a best friend... the only one I have.

I will always be here waiting for you when you are ready.

-Jess